The Assassination of ‘LOL’: A Modest Proposal

The Assassination of ‘LOL’: A Modest Proposal
Anthony Harris
Opinions Editor
anthonydeanharris@gmail.com

I spent a lot of my time over this last break sitting around a home in Marietta, Georgia (which I sometimes refer to as Purgatory). This has resulted in me looking to Facebook and Myspace much more often. This has also resulted in more boredom because everyone has other things to do so they aren't on Facebook and Myspace.

But the spammers are.

When I talk about spammers, I'm talking specifically about Myspace. Facebook will just steal my personal information in house. What's really annoying me is the latest series of mails I keep getting from God knows who about someone who recently moved near me and doesn't know anyone except her one friend lol.

I'm tired of "lol."
I've been tired of "lol."

I guess it's because I'm a writer and a bit of a language purist, but I don't use net jargon. I don't use "lol" or "brb" or "lmfao" or whatever. Most people can tell when I'm joking and when I talk with people, I know when they are joking. My internet conversations are like new sitcoms. I know what I said was funny, let me know if it wasn't. It's like Scrubs or Samantha Who? (I just recently picked that show up and am stressing people watch it as well. That show is really funny.). I don't have to have audience reaction. I don't get "lol"'s from my IM conversations or my few emails that I send. No one I know sends me email with "lol" in it. The only time I get "lol" is when someone is trying to swindle me.

"LOL" has become the universal language of the spammer. "LOL" says, "I'm totally a real person. No, seriously. I didn't say anything funny in particular, but I just felt compelled to laugh. See, real, honest to God people laugh, don't they? Why don't you just click over here but log back into Myspace first? Then I can send a bunch of bulletins and leave messages on all your friends' walls about gift certificates to Macy's and this crazy party I went to the other night where she (make sure I don't say who "she" is) got naked again. Take note all these messages and bulletins will be in your name, though. LOL!"

Do people even use "lol" anymore? I say we should all stop using it. Then we know who all the spammers are. "LOL" shall be the official crying of wolf otherwise. Just say something was funny if you need that affirmation, but if you say "lol," I think I may have to end the conversation. It's a sure sign you've been hijacked. The next thing you know, you'll be sending me links or the promise of porn and my computer is finito.

And won't that be funny? LOL!